Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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