so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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