Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
