Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
