note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
