She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
