I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
