Umm I'm too high to move.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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