1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
