apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
