The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
