I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
