i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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