I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
