I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
