I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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