sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize