I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
