So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
