White coat. Heels.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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