with your own penis?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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