I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i need some magic done to my vagina
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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