I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
