why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
