STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
