Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
