matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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