I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Randomize
