people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
