Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
