i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
