ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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