I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
