I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
