We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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