4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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