There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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