it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
