I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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