I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
