I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
