he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
