I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
