my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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