Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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