You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
