I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
