What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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