Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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