I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
