It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
