I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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