i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
