why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
