party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dignity is for republicans.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
