Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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